The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
