My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
