No stitches, just platelets and will power
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
