Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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