Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
