shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
