ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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