im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
