The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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