I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize