He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
