I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
