I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
