Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
