We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
