Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
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