Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
