First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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