i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
