i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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