my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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