Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
