the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Naked. naked and bneed help.
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