I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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