Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
