Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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