Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
two words...techno handjob
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
