im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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