I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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