ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
