How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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