why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
