i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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