Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize