A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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