oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
