Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
