So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
