You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize