im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
