So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
