Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
