I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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