I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the condom got lost in my hair
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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