Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I smell stomach acid.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize