There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize