We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am one with the molecules
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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