It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
