The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize