Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize