Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
