he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
