I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
