I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
