How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
