i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
