guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
