the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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