There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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