He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
