For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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