I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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