I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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