wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
