i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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