Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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