i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
