I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
