i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize