he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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