"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
