your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
