Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
