My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
