I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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